Thursday, August 15, 2013
Writer's Blocked: Episode 2
If there was one thing everyone could agree on around the office it was this: STAY AWAY FROM MIKE CHANDLER! Not only was Mike Chandler the office slob, he was also the office drunk, office clown, and currently holds the record for the most sexual harassment complaints filed against him in the greater Los Angeles area. There have been rumors spreading that he is going after the national title this year. (I hope he gets it.) There were only two reasons why anyone tolerated him. First, he was the Vice President of the company’s nephew and second, he was rich. I’m talking loaded. If you partied with Mike Chandler you never paid for a thing the entire night. In fact, you could probably just leave your wallet at home. He didn’t really have a real position in the company. He just sort of sat around and blasted weird European pop music from his cubicle. The only reason he had a job is because his uncle was doing Mike’s dad a favor by getting him out of the house, and slapping him with the tiniest shred of responsibility to make Mike feel like an actual adult. Once, Mike spent an entire day “researching”(watching and re-enacting scenes from The Grey over and over) wolves on the internet for a “top secret” project sent down from the execs. Typical.
“HAPPY HOUR ANYONE?” screamed Mike who was also leaning way too far back in his chair. No one said anything. We all stared at Mike secretly hoping he would fall backwards and a pit would open up in the floor and out would pop Hades to take him back to the underworld leaving his wallet behind, of course. No such luck. He was still there, leaning back in his chair with that stupid side-ways grin plastered across his face. I felt a poke in my side. “ So what’s the plan?” whispered a voice in my ear. “Huh? What do you mean?” I replied.
“I mean, how are we going to lose Mike?” the voice was Alice. Alice was gorgeous. She had long brown hair and the most striking blue eyes anyone had ever seen.
“ I don’t know! Why do I always have to come up with the plans?” I was starting to get annoyed, but the feeling wouldn’t last long. Alice stared at me all Zooey Deschanel with her baby blues, and I crumbled. “ Yeah! You were in the military right? Didn’t you spec-ops guys do stuff like this all the time? Sneak behind enemy lines, guerilla warfare, Call of Duty stuff?” Shouted another writer, Joe.
“ This isn’t the Army!”
“I know you have a plan man!”
“ Ugh, fine, Joe you gotta stop saying spec-ops. This isn’t a video-game.” The group huddled around me. I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. “ Okay, this is what we’re going to do…”