Writer's Blocked: Episode 4

And just like that a perfect afternoon was ruined. Mike wormed his way into the booth right next to Alice. He put his arm around her and gave her a huge and very unnecessary squeeze. She looked annoyed and tried to shrug him off. “Didn’t you already eat lunch today Mike?” Craig said squirming in the booth trying to make more room. “I had a few bagels earlier yes.” Mike said a little embarrassed. “You had 6! You had 6 bagels right before we left!” Craig shouted, Mike was starting to pout, “That is absolutely NOT true-I only had 2.”

“We all saw you Mike. You were covered in cream cheese, and singing Lady Gaga with your mouth full of asiago crumbs!”

“Okay guys, If Mike wants to have another lunch let’s just let him, as long as he pays for everyone else too.” I said hoping to diffuse the tension between Craig and Mike, and also get a little something out of it. “You got it! Thanks Christian!” Mike said gleefully. He then proceeded to stuff a handful of chips into his mouth.  I tried not to gag. “So this is great news right?” said Joe. He was referring to our show getting picked up for the season. We had all been on edge since the premier because we weren’t sure if the Network’s idea to bring Phil Armstrong back to television was the right choice. Phil had been a legend in television almost 30 years ago. He was the golden boy of comedy, getting his start on the very famous very funny television show News Soup. News Soup was one of the longest running sitcoms to date, and after 15 very successful seasons it finally ended in 1994. “Hell yeah, I never thought that we would make it past the pilot. Especially considering how little work we actually do.”

“Whoa Vince, back it up. I happen to work really hard. I’m pretty much the backbone of this operation. “Craig retorted. “ What?” I have to say something. “No you aren’t! Craig, every time we need you we can’t find you!”

“That’s a lie! That’s because I happen to have very important things to do.”

“Everyone knows it's because you’re sleeping under your desk Craig.”

“I have a very temperamental cat! I don’t get a lot of sleep at night!” Craig cries.

“What? What does- how does that even make sense?”

Mike has signaled our waiter for another round of drinks. Alice decides to chime in. “ Vince is always reading his little comic books at his cubicle.”

“They aren’t comics they are graphic novels.” Vince corrects her. The shots come to the table and we each eagerly grab one and quickly slam it back. “I’m pretty sure they are comics.” Says Alice as she reaches for more chips. “Nerd!” yells Mike. He looks around the room confused as if no one at the table had an idea who yelled that.  Everyone stops eating. We all look at Mike. He looks back at us like a sad cow next in line to be slaughtered. Before the onslaught of insults can begin, Vince checks his watch and shouts “Crap! We gotta get back to the office!” Mike lets out a deep sigh of relief. He is spared for now. One by one we stumble out of the booth and make our way out of the restaurant. “See ya tomorrow guys!” Yells Jake, as we are leaving. We seriously have to find a new place to go…