Live

Inspire me. Move me shake me. Lets rattle things up and throw caution into the wind. Lets cast our sails and charge headfirst into the storm. Let's stand on the deck and scream at the stars loudly into the night daring the Universe to inspire us. I want to live. I crave adventure. Let's re-light that fire that still burns within us and take back the world. Take my hand and we'll live...

The Cafe

I sat down at the table in the back and watched. People filtered in and out and muddled about the café each with their own intentions. They each had their own stories and I tried to guess them one by one. I chuckled to myself as I imagined what each person did for a living and what they liked to eat for breakfast. I was angered a little when I thought of the potentially horrid things they also might have done, but brushed it off quickly concentrating only on the positive and amusing aspects of their made-up stories. I sat there for quite some time until I eventually wondered, what kinds of stories did they have for me? I left the café happy and smiling…

Traffic Can Be Fun!

     Hey scientists and engineers what happened to flying cars? Weren’t we supposed to be shooting through the air at incredible speeds in shiny metallic futuristic flying mobiles? What happened? I’ll tell you what, every hour I sit in horrendous traffic on the 405 (Los Angelinos) and or 680 or 880 (Bay Area folk) the more I wish I had one of those flying cars.

 I hate traffic and for me it’s unavoidable because I commute and travel a lot. Never have I encountered worse traffic than in California. I had no problems in New York, Dallas, even Chicago. However, California, particularly Bay Area and Los Angeles traffic make me want to invest in a tank. Luckily I have been doing it for so long that it has become easier for me to deal with. I am going to share with you a few of the ways I deal with traffic.

I sing.

When I am alone in my car or even with company (it’s always better with an audience) it becomes American Idol time. I happen to have a vast knowledge of songs and if I don’t know the words I am a very fast learner. Singing helps to pass the time for me and also makes the car ride a little more enjoyable. I’m not sure what my passengers think but if they don’t want me to sing then maybe they shouldn’t be in a car with me.

I play games.

I like to play games like: Who is Picking Their Nose, and Who Just Doesn’t Care about Other Drivers and is Talking on the Phone Right Now? I also like to play, What is that Driver Thinking, I Wonder if They are Wearing Pants, and if its happens to be night time my personal favorite: Oh Crap, Is That A Cop?

I coast.

I have learned that the DMV handbooks were right and an optimal distance to follow another vehicle is about 2-3 seconds. This is especially true in traffic. Too often have I seen another driver ride the bumper of the person in front of them only to break every half second to avoid rear-ending them. It is ridiculous. If you follow a few seconds behind you can casually coast and never have to put your foot on the brake. This also gives the illusion that it’s not Stop-and-go traffic but –go-very-slow traffic.

I also don’t speed.

There is no logical reason to drive 90mph on the highway. Its unsafe and uses way more fuel than driving a safer speed(usually 85mph). I’m kidding, drive the speed limit and stay alive.

I ponder life.

Some if not most of my best ideas for basically anything have come from one of three of my favorite places to think. The shower, the toilet, and sitting in my car in traffic.The idea to write about surviving traffic came from sitting in my car in traffic. How strange right? I know I’m brilliant.

I hope some of these tips help you the next time you find yourself making awkward eye contact with the person in the car in front of you through their rear-view mirror. If anything I hope you at least remember reading this post and can chuckle about it later; while you’re stuck in traffic. Thanks for reading and safe driving! 

I'm All In

     Well looks like I'm in. I'm committed and there is no turning back now, I have decided to officially become a blogger. That's something I never thought that I would say. 

                                                                Eep

     When I tell people I blog I usually get the same reaction as when I tell people I am a comedian.

                                              "So what do you do?"

                    "I'm a comedian and a writer. I have a blog." 

                                      "Ohhhh cooool..." 

                                "I also write for televis-!" 

                                "That's nice, I'm hungry." 

     That is usually how a conversation goes when I meet someone new or someone I've known for awhile inquires as to how I earn a living (barely). It's okay, as an actor and comedian I'm used to being heckled and can most often roll with the punches. I like what I do and lately as I have filling this blog with more entries I have grown to love blogging. Moreover, as I get ready to start my usual summertime traveling I find myself even more excited to write.

     There is something freeing and exciting about being able to share my experiences with friends, family, strangers and whomever else may read this blog. It allows me to be creative in more ways than just posting pictures on my Instagram. Not only do my readers get to see the beautiful(am I pushing it?) pictures I post but they get to read about the awesome or not so awesome experience behind the picture. Even though I am traveling alone most of the time, sharing helps me to feel connected to home.

     Connection is the one of the main reasons I have decided to fully commit to this. I love human connection, connecting with nature and well, connecting with myself. Traveling and writing really help me to connect with myself on a deeper level as opposed to sitting at home playing video-games or watching television.

     Shortly I'll be launching my new website (which will look a lot better than this hosted one) and from that point on I'll be posting there. Don't worry I will provide links and keep you informed along the transition. I am also going to stick to a more regular posting schedule. I'll have more advice and tips, random stories, tales from my travels and helpful tips on how to be whatever you want.

      I am all in now. I am committed. I want to thank you for following and sticking with me this far and I can promise you it will only get better from here. Thanks for reading and happy travels.

Digital Nomad?

     While I gear up and prepare for my upcoming trip to Southeast Asia a question keeps popping into my head; do I want this lifestyle?

     I have always loved traveling and consider myself to be an avid adventurer, but this time it’s different. This time won’t be for work and there is no mission to accomplish. The only goal I will have on this trip is to have fun and explore as many places as I can.  This makes me nervous because this trip is actually a test trip.

     A term kept appearing all over the internet as I scoured travel blog after travel blog searching for helpful tips and inspiration. The term I kept seeing was: Digital Nomad. What did this mean and why were people referring to themselves as this? Most of the people I have come into contact with have left pretty successful big business jobs and have transitioned to working strictly online. They write, and edit, and run successful travel blogs with the help of advertising to help fund their trips. They are all Digital Nomads or travelers who fund their adventures through 60-90 hour work weeks hunched over their laptops working tirelessly to keep their nomadic lifestyle dreams afloat.

                                         AND IT WORKS FOR THEM.

     I have always been a big proponent of forgoing the status quo of living a normal life consisting of investing hours upon hours of your life working some corporate job to fill some house you can’t afford with things you don’t need. I myself gave up a promising career in medicine for the Hollywood lifestyle. A decision I do not regret at all. I have had the opportunity to be a part of some really great projects and meet people whom a few years ago I had only known from television.

          NOW I WAS SHARING DRINKS AND SWAPPING STORIES WITH THESE PEOPLE. 

    I am still involved with the industry and still hope to continue my involvement while I test the waters of this new Digital Nomad lifestyle. One of the biggest reasons for becoming involved in the industry was to travel and touch as many lives around the world as I could. Plus, I love being able to be goofy and express myself through many mediums including writing and comedy.  

     I know I will have to give up more than I have in the past, and make many more sacrifices along the way. This is what scares me the most. Saying goodbye to family and friends and heading out into the unknown with no destination in mind. I’ll be living solely off of savings and the money I make from writing, and advertising from the other websites I plan on launching in the future as well as occasional acting gigs that I get here and there.

                                                             OH AND MY BOOK.

     I’m still not sure if this is the right choice but hey, a life lived without taking any risks is not really a life lived is it? 

Preparations Begin Now!

     I am currently planning for one of the most epic and much needed adventures of my life. I have traveled to quite a few places during my life-time but most of them haven’t been by “choice” if you will. Thus, I am excited to be making this journey by myself and completely on my own accord. Although, I have to admit, it is pretty scary and I am very nervous. That being said, I have much to prepare for! Here are some frequently asked questions I'm sure you are thinking and I have been asking myself before I leave. 

What will I pack?

     After learning from my previous trips and consulting some of my adventurer friends and trusted travel blogs I have settled upon this short list: 

     Passport size photos, and copies of all of my documents. Having photos on hand is useful when obtaining new visas in all of the new areas that I may visit. And should I lose anything it’s always good to have copies. I have to make sure to store them in separate areas and make sure to keep the originals secure.

     Toiletries and Bug spray. Most places will have shampoo and toothpaste I can buy, but just in case its always a good idea to keep small quantities of these available. Also, bug spray, hand sanitizer and “field wipes” (from my military days) are a must; as well as plenty of Imodium.

     My multi-tool and knife.

     Minimal clothes. I’ll be bringing flip flops, a pair of boots shorts and t-shirts and a pair of cargo pants or two. There is no need to bring jeans as they will only make my legs sticky and hot and I can always buy clothes for pretty cheap over there. Plus I don’t want to weigh down my backpack with unnecessary items.

     Since I will be buying a new backpack I’ll have to consider how big I want it. Bigger isn’t always better when it comes to traveling with a backpack. Keeping the pack smaller will prevent me from over-packing. I’ll have to keep myself from going to my military roots and trying to pack as much stuff into the largest pack I can because I’m a soldier and keep the pack to about 60 liters.

What will I eat?

     Everything! The local food over there is delicious and its always cheaper than buying western food. Why spend more money than you should on a dry disgusting hamburger when you can eat delicious local street food for about $7 or $10 a day? I don’t drink as much alcohol as I used to (college years) so I will be saving a lot of money in that area, seeing as how alcohol is usually where tourists spend the most money. However, I will be trying all of the tasty cold beers that the different regions have to offer.

Where will I sleep?

     Finding accommodations in South East Asia is fairly simple and cheap with most places ranging from $3-14 USD a day. This is the price range throughout Asia with some places like Thailand being more expensive than Laos or Cambodia. I won’t be bringing a sleeping bag or linens as most of these places offer them already or you can rent them for a minimal fee.

How will I get around?

     Motorbikes, buses, boats, and by walking of course. These are all pretty cheap and it’s not necessary to book travel so far in advance. However, I’ll have to be well prepared for delays and long trips. I’ll have my trusty Kindle and camera to help pass the time.

How will I have fun?

     I plan on doing everything and anything I can. I am a huge surfer and would love to do some surfing in Bali or Thailand (there are some gnarly surf spots there). I also plan on visiting the temples at Angkor Wat, and trekking through the jungles of Laos and Malaysia. Of course attending the Full Moon Party on the island of Ko Phangan, Thailand is a must! Yoga in Bali and tubing in Vang Vieng are both on the list as well as sailing in Halong Bay Vietnam. There will be no shortage of things to do out there and I plan on doing as much as I can.

     I am beyond excited for this trip and for the next few months will be working and planning like a mad-man! I am notorious for forgetting things so if there is anything on this short list that you may think I have forgotten please feel free to let me know! I almost forgot , wherever I travel I always bring with me a picture of home. No I don’t carry around a picture of America or a Bald Eagle or anything, home to me is a representation of safety and comfort. Home to me is where my heart is. I don’t pack this item away; I always keep it close to my heart…

Finding My Way Back

     In a few short months I will be putting all of my stuff into storage and boarding a plane from Los Angeles to Taiwan and then to Bangkok where I will start an epic journey of discovery and adventure. I have undergone some huge life and career realizations which have led me to change the way I have been thinking and acting for the past few years.

     Some of you may know that I am approaching the three year anniversary of a very particular obstacle I have overcome. I beat the odds and survived. However, I have lost sight of what that used to mean to me. I have lost sight of the beauty of life and people and exploring. Somewhere along the journey of survival I lost my way.

     Now I am on the journey back. I’m going to re-discover myself and what it means to truly be alive and appreciate this one life that we are given.

     I will be traveling to Cambodia to visit the famous temples of Angkor, exploring the many little islets of beautiful Halong Bay, Vietnam and practicing my yoga in Bali. 

     From there I plan on going where ever the wind or the tuk tuk or the buses or the motorbikes take me. Don't worry, I plan on fully documenting my trip through this blog my YouTube channel and Tumblr, where I'll be uploading pictures and video from my travels. You can also follow my journeys semi-live from my Twitter and Instagram(where wi-fi permits).

     Thank you so much for all of your help and support throughout the years and I hope that you continue to do so for the many years to come. I truly appreciate all of my friends and family and especially you the reader! Thank you and stay tuned!

Ps: If you have any ideas of where to stay and or travel or awesome things I should do along the way please leave a comment!

How to be Great

      I am not great at anything. I am good at a lot of things, but could not confidently call myself a master of something. My problem lies with a lack of long term focus. I have no problem focusing on one thing for a short amount of time. That amount of time is usually however long it takes me to be able to compete at a high level of competition in whatever event I am currently practicing. And THAT amount of time is usually fairly short. The extent of focus I have for short term goals is astounding.  

     However, the extent of focus I have for long term goals is embarrassing. This probably explains why I have bounced around from occupation to occupation, sport to sport and before I obtained my degree, switched my major five times. I shouldn’t say “bounced around” it makes me seem like I have commitment issues; which I do not.

    Call it—if you will, a fascination with the world combined with a lack of long term focus and a free spirit, unbelieving in the chains of society binding people to one thing for the rest of their lives. So how does one remain focused? How can I transform my laser-beam short term energy into long term goal crushing? Albert Einstein said “Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole strength and soul can be a true master. For this reason mastery demands all of a person.”

      You must want to do what you are working towards with everything. To be a really great at something it has to flow through your veins and seep out of your pores. The desire to be great must outweigh everything else.

      It’s helpful to set many small goals along the way to your big goal. The short terms goals will help you to stay focused on your journey to the bigger longer term goal. As a bonus, it will feel really good to cross off small goals along the way knowing that they are all helping you to achieve your larger goal.

    You have to be willing to make mistakes. You will make mistakes, and you will mess up. However, are you willing to learn from these mistakes, adjust and continue? If not then, you should find something else to do.

    Find someone that is doing what you want to do and do what they do. Do what they did. Read about what you want to do, and watch videos from people who have done it and learn from them. Listen and take all the advice you can.

    Keep at it—for years. Then keep doing it.Experts say it takes anywhere from six to ten years or about ten thousand hours of deliberate practice to become a master at something. You’re going to suck in the beginning. But don’t worry, you’ll get better.

    Find whatever it is that you want to do, whatever you’re passionate about and do it. If you have found it and are doing it then I am deeply jealous of you. Though I have a passion for many things I am still looking for that one thing—that one thing I can be great at. This is my journey…

Guardian Angel

      I remember one of the first times I saved someone’s life. I was just a kid then and I didn’t have the experience that I have now. Although, one never really gets used to that sort of thing.

It was a quiet Saturday night and my ex and I had decided to stay in tonight and have a relaxing movie night. We were all settled in nestled on our couch watching the latest action flick when all of the sudden a loud screech followed by a deafening BOOM sounded from outside. It was almost as if the sound came from inside our place it was so loud. I sprang up threw on my shoes, swung open the front door and bounded outside not even thinking twice. “Where are you going? That didn’t sound safe.” She said as I was running towards the sound of the boom. “ I gotta see if everything is okay!” I shouted back. We lived in an apartment complex on the corner of a street just outside of a particularly “bad” area of the town. Our place was just far enough to provide solace from the craziness of the city, but every now and then some of the action would spill over into our part. Tonight was one of those times.

     I leapt over the wall of our apartment complex with ease just in time to witness the perpetrator in what I could now see was a hit-and-run drive away. The car fleeing the scene as hastily as it could considering the damage it had sustained was leaking fluid all over the asphalt that would later provide a trail for the police leading them straight to the offender. I noted the make and model of escaping vehicle and quickly turned my attention to the other car. It was about midnight and luckily there weren’t many people on the road, which made it safer for me to get to the car. It was an eighties era Honda Civic and was wrapped around a light pole twisted and mangled. Smoke was pouring from the engine block and the ground was covered in coolant and gasoline. I grew closer to the vehicle and out of the corner of my eye I noticed another guy fast approaching. “He must have heard the crash too.” I thought to myself.  We stopped in front of the driver side door which was bent horribly out of shape. “Ey man there’s fluid everywhere.” The other guy said pointing at the ground. “Yeah we need to get him out of there.” I replied. The driver was starting to come to. His airbag had not deployed and he had been knocked out upon impact. We grabbed the door and pried it open. I knew that in any other automobile accident you weren’t supposed to remove them from the vehicle because they might have a neck or back injury that required stabilization before you moved them. However, in this situation it was necessary because of the billowing smoke pouring from the engine block and the extremely flammable fluids spewing from the wreckage.

       Bracing his head and neck we gently pulled him from the wreckage and set him down on the curb about 50 feet away. Sirens rang in the distance. Someone must have called 911. A police cruiser screeched to a halt in front of me and I told him to follow the trail from the leaky car to find the other person involved. Shortly three more squad cars an ambulance and a fire truck pulled up to the scene shortly after the first car sped off. The medics shooed us away and began to assess the driver of the mangled car. Right before the firefighters doused the car with water tiny flames began to shoot up from under the car. We had pulled the guy out just in time.

     After some questioning from the police I was free to return to my movie night. The next week at work the mother of the driver of Honda approached me with a news paper clipping in her hand. “Is this you?”

“Yes ma’am that’s me” Apparently she had found out who I was from the police and had come into my work to thank me for saving her son’s life. It turns out he suffered a lot of internal damage but was going to be okay. The driver of the other car was found and arrested that night too. She hugged me and burst into tears. I’ll never forget that feeling. I wasn’t looking for recognition for what I did but knowing that I had saved someone’s life and quite possibly changed the course of history for that family felt good. It felt beyond good. It was then that I knew, that this was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. 

Thirty-six Hours of Hell

       I sat slumped down on the couch with my head in my hands surrounded by crazy people. Okay, I shouldn’t say crazy, maybe some of them were completely sane. Maybe they just didn’t have anywhere else to go so they checked themselves into this facility. Why would someone rest their head at night on the freezing desolate streets of the city, when they can have a warm bed and three hot meals a day? It seemed like the obvious choice. Not for me though, I had a place to go. I already had a warm bed and food, and a job, and friends and family. This wasn’t the place for someone like me, yet I found myself sitting at the same table as these seemingly hopeless individuals. How did I end up here? I’m not trying to toot my own horn here, but how does someone as smart and skilled and talented as me end up in a facility like this? I didn’t deserve to be here.

      When I arrived to the emergency room I had no idea what to expect. Actually I did, I had done this many times before except I was always on the other side. I was the medic admitting people, telling my patients that it was going to be okay and they were going to get all of the help they needed. The nurses and security guards quickly seized all of my personal belongings. They shuffled me into a room with no doors and told me to strip off my clothes and put on the scrub-like clothing they had provided for me; I felt like a prisoner. For the next thirty minutes I was bombarded with questions about my personal life, and treated as if I didn’t speak English. I felt less than human and it was only until after they found out what I did for a living and where I lived and how educated I was that they started treating me like a normal human being. “Why are you in here?” they would ask. I heard “You shouldn’t be in here.” multiple times from multiple people. Everyone seemed to agree with me that this whole debacle was a great big misunderstanding and I was not supposed to be here. Yet the law was the law and even someone like me still had to comply with the rules. I would need to wait my turn to plead my case in order to escape this nightmare.

     For the sake of privacy I’m going to call them Derek and Monica. They were the reason I was here. They would argue otherwise but, they didn’t know any better. It would be easy to blame them. Easy to hate them and want to pursue legal action against them, but Derek and Monica were just doing what they thought was right. “We care about you.” They said. If that were the case I would be sitting face to face with them instead of inside of a Psychiatric Facility in a low income part of a town that was completely foreign to me. Monica, Derek and 8 police officers all acting on misinformation and misinterpretation were the reason I was in here.

The doctor called my name and I lifted my head from my hands and politely said “That’s me!” After twenty minutes of conversation she determined that Indeed it was a mistake for me to be here and I needed to return to my normal life that night. However Monica thought different. What I don’t understand is how someone with no relation to me or legal authority to make decisions on my behalf was able to convince the doctor to transform me from a guest to an inpatient. Shouldn’t I have a say in any of this? Why would the doctor listen to the opinions of someone who has been basically a stranger to me for the past three weeks and not the completely sane and functioning adult in front of her? How does she completely ignore every single member of the staff vouching for me? It completely boggles my mind.

       The decision is made to keep me at the hospital overnight and possibly for the next seventy-two hours. This is ridiculous. I can’t stay here! I have a job and a life and family and very important things to get back to out there in the real world. I don’t have time to be locked up! The admitting nurse reassures me that I will more than likely be discharged tomorrow. “Don’t worry, you’ll be out of here tomorrow morning.” He says. Feeling a little bit relieved I have no choice but to call the cold dark room and thin mattress home for the night. I was woken up 3 times during the night with a loud banging on my door. “Wake up! Time for a blood draw!” the orderlies would shout. “Time to take your blood pressure!” they commanded a second time. For the thirty-six hours I was admitted I was only asleep for three. I need to get out of here!

Between the constant pacing of two of the other patients and the loud shouting and cursing of another I didn’t know how much more I could take. I sat there on the couch in the middle of it all trying to “socialize” so the staff didn’t think I was distant. I watched a man get tackled by ten people and forced to take his medication. I was attacked by a homeless crack-head for walking in front of him and not saying excuse me. 
I listened to the horrible stories of death and drugs and abuse and all the while I was screaming inside of my head  GET ME OUT OF HERE!  It would be hours before I would be able to speak to the doctor who held the keys to my freedom. “Why are you still here?” nurses would say as they passed by. Eight nurses, two psych-techs and 3 social workers all agreed that I should not be in here. “You seem like a pretty put-together guy, and you probably shouldn’t speak to Monica anymore.” One social worker said. You see, it was a misunderstanding and a horrible false assumption of a few tweets and messages that landed me in here, I told each one of them. I’m not addicted to drugs, I don’t have a dependency on any substance, and I have a completely clean record; a regular upstanding citizen.

      Five minutes was all it took. A five minute conversation with the doctor was all it took for him to discharge me. I could tell by the look on his face as I was explaining my story that he had heard enough. “Go back to your life son, and be careful who you talk to.” He told me. I was overjoyed and so ecstatic that I could have screamed and jumped up and down with joy. I held off though, I didn’t want to get admitted again. As I was leaving every single member of the staff shook my hand, thanked me for my service (military) and apologized that I had to be in here. Someone even exclaimed that he had never before seen anyone make so many friends with the staff in here. “Goodbye! We will miss you but we never want to see you again!” they all shouted as I walked through the double doors and out to freedom. After thirty-six hours of hell I was finally free.

      I’m not mad at Monica or Derek for what they did. In a strange way I am thankful. I am glad that I got to see the other side of the system and experience what some people go through every day. I had an opportunity to witness and live first-hand the problems with our psychiatric and rehabilitation system in this country. I feel liberated and stronger, much like Bruce Wayne as he crawled his way from that prison in the movie. Changes need to be made in this country and hopefully this story and my ordeal have inspired or will inspire such change. Heaven forbid anything like this happen to anyone else. As for Derek and Monica, I still love them and am not angry and hold no grudges against them. They will always be friends of mine no matter what.

Thank you for reading. Let’s go out and change the world. 

How to Survive a Road Trip

         Since the title of my blog is AdventureChris I thought that I would start posting some adventure posts. So I have decided to do a weekly “ How to Survive” post, in which I give advice on how to survive various situations involving travel and adventure. Now, these posts are not intended to be humorous so please refrain from laughing.

How to Survive the Road Trip

In 5 Easy Steps

Step 1: Bring snacks.

           

Sure deep fried chicken wings, greasy cheeseburgers and super stuffed-grande-burritos are delicious but let’s face it, you’re going to be sitting in a car for hours and even days and there’s not much room for physical activity. Although, you could make “fit-pit” stops as I like to call them. A fit-pit stop is pulling over at a rest stop or safe location (not the side of the highway) and getting in a quick ten to fifteen minute workout. It should be enough to stretch the muscles, burn some calories and get the blood flowing. This sounds like a good idea but if you’re like me and sweat like a turkey on thanksgiving, no one will appreciate your “aroma” in the car; especially driving through the desert. If you have room in your vehicle pack a cooler with healthy snacks that won’t perish too fast, such as sandwiches without mayo trail mix or beef jerky and granola bars. Make sure to bring plenty of water too. Do yourself a favor and save some time and save your waistline.

Step 2: Sleep.

            So there I was, miles above the Earth’s surface traveling at mach 2 speeds in my F22 stealth fighter. Enemy bogies were fixed on my location and coming in hot! The enemy fighter plane at my six had achieved radar lock and fired one of its missiles. I had no time to think and instinct kicked in. I pointed the nose of my jet straight down and barrel rolled careening towards the mountain range below, when suddenly, a semi-truck appeared directly in front of me! What was a semi-truck doing in the sky? I thought to myself. Oh that’s right, I’m driving in my car so this must be a dream. I shouldn't be sleeping, I should be driving! This terrifying Top-Gun tale was meant to stress the importance of planning rest stops on your trip. Call ahead and book reservations at hotels and lodges along the way. If you feel sleepy while driving, pull over and let someone else man the helm for a while. Even professional truckers aren’t supposed to drive more than eleven hours in one day. Be smart and get ample sleep.

Step 3: Music. Lots of it.

           

       I once spent over ten hours in a car on a road-trip listening to the ENTIRE ( not by choice) Sherlock Holmes Mystery series on audio-book. When we arrived at our destination I found myself unknowingly speaking in a British accent for at least two days! Unless your car has satellite radio, good stations get harder and harder to find, especially as you head into more remote areas. Make sure to bring an ample amount of CD’s or update your playlists to be sure that you don’t get bored on the trip. Be sure to keep the music lively and upbeat to help prevent dozing off at the wheel. Also make sure there is at least one loud classic rock mix available for those moments when someone wants to talk about feelings or the funny thing their cat did the other night.

Step 4: Pimp Your Ride.

           

       Everyone has electronic devices, whether it’s an e-reader, a net-book, or a cellphone and we all bring them with us. Consequently these devices need to be charged and most vehicles only have one or two AC outlets. Furthermore, thanks to a particular fruit based company not everyone’s device uses the same charger anymore, thus leaving the option of sharing chargers out. Don’t be the one with the most LTE coverage anywhere in the United States and a dead phone. I’d urge you to pay a visit to your local electronics store and pick up a multi-port/USB car charger. This will ensure that no one feels the shame of getting left out of the electronic “watering-hole”.

Step 5: Roadside Service.

            It’s a good idea to make sure at least one of the people on the trip has emergency roadside service. Sooner or later, if you take enough road trips, eventually you might find yourself stuck on the side of the road, halfway between the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Hills Have Eyes; we all know how those situations turned out…

            Now you should have all the tools you need to have a fun, safe and successful road trip. Happy travels! 

Surviving the Airport

             Ahh to be at the airport during the holidays. Filled with the hustle and bustle of weary and anxious holiday travelers there is never a shortage of interesting things to see.  If you're catching an earlier flight you'll most likely witness people still dressed in pajamas. Yes, pajamas. Airplanes are nothing but an extension of our beds at home these days and what better outfit to wear on a long early morning flight than what you went to sleep in? There are business men and women running about the airport already late for meetings five hours away. They scuffle about in their two thousand dollar suits pressed and custom fitted, Bluetooth devices in their ears and multiple cell phones clipped to their waists resembling a superhero’s  utility belt.  They take up all of the many hundreds of charging ports for your portable devices located around the terminal, charging their entire office with them. This leaves you to forgo browsing the interwebs with your phone in order to save precious battery power. You pop your headphones in your ears and play the same playlist of songs on your phone because you've been too lazy and or busy to update your music during the rush of the holiday season. Let’s face it; between buying gifts for your huge extended family and the office, and trying to make it to the gym as often as you can to shed off that winter weight you've had no time for yourself.

                Mid-afternoon flights don’t get any better than early morning ones.They are even worse.The airport quickly becomes bursting with families and couples. Kids run amock through the terminal covering everything they touch in sticky-who-knows-what, and tween couples are sitting awkwardly on the floor making out. You’re trying to enjoy your thirty dollar turkey sandwich that you bought at an airport bookstore, but it grows more and more difficult when the five year old in front of you is turned around in his seat staring you down like a bull at a bullfight. The stale cold bread and old cheese is hard enough to scarf down without the added pressure of pleasing this kid. Finally they announce that they will begin boarding over the PA system. You stand up thinking that you’ll be among the first to board because you've managed to score boarding zone two on your ticket. However, you fail to realize that they have to board all of the Priority Members first. The Gold Star passengers, the First Class Flyers, the people in wheelchairs, the people with kids, the kids traveling alone, members of the Military (bless them for what they do) and the business class people. You look down at your watch and notice it’s already been forty-five minutes and they haven’t even gotten through the Premier Mileage Plus Extravaganza passengers yet, or the passengers wearing khaki pants! You plop down into your uncomfortable leather chair and take a sip of your seven dollar bottle of water as you eagerly wait to be called.

                If you’re like me, you’ll choose a late flight. Late flights are my preferred flights. I show up at the airport with no traffic problems. Say good bye to my ride and head straight to the check-in. There is little to no line and I am all checked in and through the security line in about ten minutes. From there I head straight to my favorite places in the airport; the bar. I love airport bars. Yes, the drinks are expensive but nothing calms the nerves of travel like a smooth bourbon on the rocks, or a nice lager. Some airports even have iPads at the bar so you can order your drink, pay and tip the bartender in one easy step. You don’t have to wait to get their attention, or flag them down like an airport ground controller. I get my drink, plug in my headphones and jam out to my new playlist that I had time to create peacefully relaxing in the big empty terminal. The airline calls out the boarding groups and being as how there are only forty of us it goes pretty fast. I reach my empty row of seats, stretch out sideways, cover myself with my blanket and prepare for a nice relaxing flight. That, ladies and gentleman is how to properly survive airports. 

Why I Comedy

    When I was a kid I was very small. I was just a mere fraction of this behemoth of a man that you may have come to know. As almost every man under the height of 5 foot 5 knows, being small comes with a price. That price is usually paid throughout your years in the form of ultimate wedgies, swirlys, stolen lunches and like clockwork getting pummeled by the local bully every Friday at lunchtime. Now, I have not personally experienced this, and I can safely say that I was a very small very skinny kid growing up and I was not bullied. At all. I do not know the experience of having my underwear driven up into my butt-cheeks, nor am I familiar with the sensation of toilet water bustling about my head as I am hung upside down over a toilet bowl. No ladies and gentleman I was not bullied because I had a secret weapon. A very powerful weapon at my disposal that I found when used properly and at the right time would render any bully defenseless. What did I have in my back pocket all those years of being small that made these bullies stop in their tracks? I had comedy.

         I made people laugh, and I was good at it. There was only one time in my life that I remember coming close to being bullied. I was in the sixth grade in the locker room getting changed for physical education class. I remember there was this huge thirty-year old sixth grader Paul, whom most of the school was afraid of. He had close ties to a particular Mexican gang and was known for his violent and destructive behavior. On this day he decided that he would try to pick on the new kid (me) at the school. Halfway through getting my shirt on, Paul walks up behind me and says in his loud boisterous voice, “Hey man! That’s my locker. You’re using my locker.”              

 “Oh yeah?” I say, turning around. “Well, it’s all yours man, oh and I left your mom’s panties in there because she forgot them at my house. I figure you could give them back to her for me.” I moved to the side so he could see the white cotton floral patterned pair of women’s underwear hanging in the locker. Don’t ask me why I had a pair of women’s panties on me at the time, that’s a different story. I just stood there before him silently waiting for the pummeling that was sure to come as everyone burst into laughter around us. But, there was no pummeling. He stared at me in shock for a few seconds and then what he said next surprised even his own goons! “You know what man? You’re alright.” And with a huge pat on the back I became part of his gang. In hindsight maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to join a gang in the sixth grade, but it sure beat the hell out of getting bullied.

          Comedy has always been my way out. It has been there for me in times of sadness and despair, and times of happiness and joy. Comedy has always been my way to connect with people from all walks of life. I am blessed to be able to make a semi-living from my jokes. They say that mathematics is the language of the universe; I disagree. I think that comedy is the language of the universe. You may not be able to prove that black holes exist or string theory is viable but how awesome would it be if you made an alien laugh? If I landed on a planet in a distant galaxy I wouldn’t want to be greeted by a bunch of numbers and flashy lights. No, I want to see a man smash a watermelon with a huge wooden mallet, or hear about the elusive Deerbra. I want to laugh before I eventually destroy your planet and rob it of its resources. Why do you think aliens never abduct scientists, or mathematicians? They always seem to go for the dumbest, most red-neck, completely oblivious people…

I Am Not Smooth

Despite what you may think I am not as smooth as it would appear. Sure I can get on a stage and make a fool of myself telling jokes or acting like a seventeenth century Shakespearean baseball player [its an improv thing] but when it comes to talking to women, I am horrible. I can go from James Bond charming a room of writers and producers, and have them eating out of the palm of my hand, to Gold Bond, medicated cream. Yes, I am aware that reference makes no sense in the analogy, however it does draw an accurate depiction of my skills at conversing with the opposite sex. It's weird and gross leaves you sticky and Shaq endorses it...see what I mean? Lets start from the beginning, and you'll soon see what I am talking about.

THE OPENING: 
 Most people can agree that the best opening for meeting someone is " Hi my name is-" followed by a handshake or fist bump depending on what part of Los Angeles you are in. That part is fine. Where I have trouble is what follows.

THE INTERVIEW: 
" So what do you do?" is one of the most common questions in the dating world. This is where I lose people. When most people hear Comedian, I become a trained monkey, specifically there for the sole purpose of entertaining them and their friends. " Go ahead funny guy, tell me a joke!"
"Make me laugh!"
" Lets hear your set funny guy!"
" Stand on your head! Juggle! Dance monkey DANCE!" which is quickly followed by " Oh my God, you know who's funny? Kevin Hart." That's when its all over. Now for the rest of the night I'm telling  jokes about my checking and savings account and talking about the kids I don't have, and going on about my father's huge penis. The second option I could go with is actor. Their follow up: " So what restaurant do you work at?" Its a losing battle. So obviously my answer is: " What do I do? Oh, I'm a doctor." Win.

THE CONVERSATION: 
I once held a full on conversation with a brick for 3 days. I'm good here.

THE CLOSING: 
By now hopefully I have managed to make her laugh and smile and the night is turning out to be a great success. The bar is winding down and it is time to close. Keep in mind I'm not talking about sex. A close could be a future first date, a phone number, an e-mail, a glass slipper; anything really. When it comes to closing I am like Reggie Bush; figure skating. Awkward, slow, and wearing uncomfortably revealing tights. I once had a really good two hour long conversation with a woman at a bar and when it was done she said " Aren't you going to ask me my name?" I froze. She got up shook my hand, gave me a wink and walked away. I ordered another gin-and-tonic, went into the bathroom and wept. I never know what to say. Do I ask for an email? Do people still email? Do I ask for her number and then ask her if she'd like to continue the conversation in my van? Do I ask for her Facebook or Instagram account? What are the rules? My closing skills definitely need refinement. I am about as good at closing as

I Totes Prom.

What has happened to the English language today? It seems like today's generation of tweens and adults [who don't want to grow up] are using short handed text message speech as part of their daily vernacular. I have heard my own sweet little sister (10 years of age) spewing out abbreviations like "totes" (totally) and "prom prom" (promise) casually during conversation. She informed me that this is the way kids speak these days and I needed to get with it or I was totes donzo. I have no idea what's going on there.

I swear if I hear another person verbally say "LOL" rather than actually laughing out loud I am going to lose it. Have we as American people become too lazy to put together proper words? Are our mouths too busy sucking down energy drinks, and cheeseburgers that they simply cannot physically form the words? Will we see classes like " Texting 101" and "Beginning Emojis" taught in our colleges and schools?

I worry for the future of our youth. With social media on the rise there is no telling how communication and speech will evolve. Ttfn, and totes reply wth ur ideas. Tnks! : )

I Don't Know You But I love You.

I do not yet know you but I think I love you. I do not yet know your hopes and dreams, nor do I know everything that you aspire to be. Yet, I can see it in your eyes from across this cafe. You, with those gorgeous hazel eyes are a thinker, a doer, a bright soul and a beacon of hope in a sometimes dark and unforgiving world. You've got the world at your hands and endless possibility at your perfect fingertips. There is nothing that you cannot do and heaven help anyone who tells you otherwise. I cant help but to stare. I am frozen in time. Stuck in-between my reality and all of the wonderful possibilities of us. You are more powerful than you know; I want to show you so bad.
I picture us unstoppable. A hurricane of unimaginable love spinning almost out of control changing and reshaping everything we touch. Inspiring and creating great things. We would leave our everlasting marks on this world for sure. I want you to take my hand more than anything.
I still cant move, and I swear my heart hasn't beat in what seems like a lifetime. I'm not strong enough to approach you and have hardly the strength to brush your soft brown hair from your face and kiss you.
The way you sip your coffee entrances me. Everything about you leaves me in awe. I watch you crinkle your nose, close your eyes and sneeze.
"Bless you" was all I could manage to say.
You look at me smile and say thank you and at that moment I knew. That was all it took.
I am utterly and completely in love with you and from this point on cannot possibly imagine a life without you.
I don't know you but I love you, and I want you to take my hand more than anything.
But I am not nearly strong enough...







Based on an entirely fake story.

Change In Your Pocket

I could sit here and lecture you about change. However, I'm not going to do that. Everyone has heard the same old speeches; 'change is scary,' or ' when one door closes another opens,' and blah blah blah. I am also not going to try to convince you that all change is good. In fact, change can be very bad. ( I can't wait for the optimists to attack me for that one.)

Do you really want to know what change is? Change is change. It is a redundant but true statement. Change is a new direction or different path; a path that can lead anywhere. One of the most important things about change is that you are in control. A change occurs and you control its outcome. You have the power to decide whether or not that change will be negative or positive.

When life gives you lemons will you take the time and effort to gather a pitcher, some ice, sugar, juice them and make lemonade? Will you take the time and put in the work needed to turn sour lemons into delicious lemonade? Or, will you just sit around and complain, or wait for someone else to come by and make lemonade for you?

The choice is entirely your own. The work you put into it is entirely your own. Besides, accomplishing a difficult task on your own through hard work and perseverance makes the reward taste sweeter.




Literally.

My Motivation

I have to because they said I couldn't. I have to because they screamed and yelled at me and shouted in my face that I couldn't do it. I have to because I need it. I have to because you need it. I cannot give up. I will not give up. I must push forward and fight and claw my way up. I will do whatever it takes without sacrificing my integrity. I have to do it because you believe in me. I have to do it because I believe in myself.

I will not fail because I work harder, faster and better than anyone else. I will not fail because I have the drive and determination to succeed. I have the skills I need and I have the know how to gain more in order to be successful.

I have to because you doubted me. You called me crazy. You said my ideas were outlandish and my dreams unobtainable.

I will prove you wrong and further prove myself right. I have to do this because he can't anymore. I have to do this because after all the times I should have died, I am still here. I have to do this for me. I can do this because whatever power is out there, whatever you believe in has given me the strength to do it. I will do this simply because I can. I have to...

Your Dreams, or Theirs?

I moved to down to Southern California knowing exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to write. I wanted to act. I wanted to inspire people and occasionally make them laugh. So I gathered my small life and without a solid plan made the long journey in pursuit of my dreams. Oh, I forgot to mention that I gave up a rather promising and bright future as a doctor.

I was on the fast track to becoming a (hopefully) world renowned trauma surgeon, but decided to put it on the back burner for something that has also been a childhood dream of mine. As it turns out, I've met a lot of people in LA ( believe it or not) who genuinely support me. I had a rare opportunity to meet a man by the name of Bobcat Goldthwait ( you can Google him if you like) at a live podcast show in Hollywood recently. Although he was speaking to a friend at the time, the advice he gave struck a nerve with me.

He said " You gotta quit at a few things in life to get what you want. You gotta quit and quit and quit until you wind up in a place that you never want to leave."

He was right. Making the decision to leave my comfortable secure life in Northern California was hard. Probably one of the toughest decisions I have had to make. Ever. However, I am glad that I did, for now I am in such a place in my life where I know things can and will only get better. And I don't ever want to leave.